5) He's constantly throwing up gang signs in the shape of an "M", and he hasn't been in a gang since a short shank fight he had in middle school as part of his initiation into the Blagoevgrad Young Boys.
4) His preseason goal celebrations consist of him putting his cigarette out of your forehead, immediately taking a seat on the bench, and wrapping himself in a Red Devils scarf.
3) A strange little scouse girl keeps calling during the middle of the day, "Can I tuuchhh to Berbatov, like?". And you keep hearing an arrogant Scottish man in the background yelling.
2) You hear strange moaning sounds coming from his room, and you open the door to find him repeatedly playing and rewinding a Ronaldo cross.
1) He spends the majority of a whole season showing up teammates on the pitch, whining to the press, and generally acting like he was God's gift to football....oh wait.
Maybe if Juande Ramos would have read these little tips, he could have kept his world class Bulgarian striker.
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